Yeah, I know the name sucks, but it has a meaning… kind of…
It stands for English Language Optimized Twisted Experience Club.
Yeah, I know the meaning still sucks, but it is a provisional name, after all.
It could be worse. It could stand for Electronic Lifeform Optimized for Troubleshooting and Exploration Club, or Explorer Lacerating Ogre of the Twisted Earth Club. Hey, at least I didn’t make a recursive acronym, such as CLUB Language Used for Battles.
Anyway, this is just an idea, and I’m still thinking about it. As you may have noticed by now, I’m writing in English. This is something I have to remark because I have had long conversations with some people (Hi, Jack!) without realizing which language we were using at the time. The motivation behind this idea came when I suddenly realized I had almost one month without speaking English in this chaos of a city, and that my English could be better by locating more people in the exact same identical situation that mirrors mine. Also, as you may have realized by now, I still like to use florid language and purple prose to express myself in the language of Shakespeare. Which sometimes is kinda odd…
Anyway, the idea was, is and will be to locate some people who want to practice what they have learned of English, and are willing to locate other people to practice it. You know, living in a Spanish-speaker city, such as
I started to think. Then I think some more. Then I said “My ceiling needs a hand of paint. Maybe two…”
And the answer came to me, bright as the sun during an eclipse:
Join a conversation club, but of course! But not any common club: it had to be original, new, improved, and those things publicists says when presenting a recycled idea to the head honcho.
So I wrote a plan:
- Create a conversation club.
- ?????
- Profit!
That was it! As simple as that! Fuck those conversation clubs available at schools; they’re worthless and boring after just a few weeks. The idea is to join a group of friends that gathers every weekend to share a few drinks, watch a movie or sports or both, listen to the news, tell jokes and speaks only in English. The idea is to practice English in an English-Only Zone, so you can improve your accent and learn new stuff, and the most important thing, to have a good time!
“So, will I take any classes in the club?” you may say. Well, if you can understand this (and locate or even correct the spelling mistakes, grammar errors and syntax horrors) then you don’t need to take lessons anymore; that’s for sure. But if nobody understands you when you attempt to speak in English in
But what level do you need to join? Well, let’s divide the English Language in 10 levels, with 10 meaning Native Language, zero meaning “Qué?” and 5 meaning “I can speak with you as long as you want, but if you start using fancy words related to your job, I’ll go away.” I’d say that you can join the club at level 3: “I can tell you what I made for and how I made last week’s breakfast.” And while Level 1 (“Hello, good morning, I am Polletas…”) and Level 2 (“How much is this? Do you take credit card?”) are not enough, but you can give it a shot if you want.
“But my English is as good as Vicente Fox’s…” you may say. So what? Nobody is perfect. The idea is for you to improve your English skills, and you won’t improve until you start speaking with someone else besides your TV set. Therefore, what are you waiting for? Come on! Come in! Start speaking and improve your skills right now! Willkomen, bienvenue, welcome!
“And how much this club will cost to me?” you may say. You would say, I’d say. I’d say that you’d say you’ll say how much will the cost be. I hope you get the idea. And that’s a good question, after all. The answer is rather easy: I still don’t know, but I think that $100 dollars a session is excessive, and $0.01 is too low. I’d say one hundred pesos a session will get you food, drink, and watching a movie with friends.
“Food and drink? You said food and drink?” Yes, I said food and drink! I want every meeting at the club to have at least cocktail sausages, green and black olives, several kinds of cheese, peanuts and potato chips, and on holidays we may enjoy a barbecue, or grilled burgers, or home-made pizza, or something tastier! To drink I’d rather have coffee, beer, soda pops and maybe a bottle of scotch instead a bottle of fine champagne or ice-wine, sorry about that. The idea is to enjoy a beer, or a shot of whisky, or maybe a refreshing Tom Collins while watching a match of rugby or tennis, or a movie… and discuss it later. The idea is to have a good time with your club friends.
“And why should I have to watch with you a movie I can watch at home?” Well, you can dance with a broom, but your dance won’t improve much, right? The idea behind the club is to discuss, talk and use whatever skills you may have to communicate with other club members. You may even forget about the movie and start flirting with other members of the club. Idea that although seems rather good, may be bad for your health if the sentimental partner of your victim is near you.
So, are you interested? Do you like the idea? Any propositions? But not proposals, I don’t want to get married; I want to start a conversation club. Drop me a line (or two) with your ideas!
Oh, and just for your info: when I checked this document for spelling mistakes, I found three; but I found quite a few grammar mistakes. There is always room for improvement, as I said up there…
